Why Did I Go
by xo.rise.against.xo
Summary: Sam is in love again. But history comes back...and back...and it may mean someone Sam loves wont be there when he comes back.


The old woman folded her hands neatly and said in passing by, a hint of sorrow in her tone, "You know, there was a little girl down the street. Sweet thing. Blonde hair, blue eyes, pink dresses – so innocent. And then there was that horrible day when they found her body off of the highway. Her poor parents hadn't even had time to know she was missing. She'd been at a friend's house playing. Her parents said she'd only been gone less than an hour when they got the call from the sheriff. Someone had found her body off the highway…oh, I said that already. It was just so terrible…"

Sam leaned forward in his chair while Dean assumed his somewhat reclined position with his hands resting on his thighs. "Can you remember the girl's name?"

"How could I forget? That precious child was my angel from the day she was born. And then someone took her from me, from all of us." The old woman sighed and dabbed at misty eyes. "Katie. Katie Singer."

Dean's body tensed up and he met Sam's gaze intently. All he could think was, _Oh God, no._

"And…her parents?" Sam was equally hesitant to uncover the truth.

"Well, her father worked as a dock loader, all through the night and day to give his girls the best. Her mother, she stayed home with the girls. Robert, he was the father; Carol the mother."

Both boys were silent for a moment, hiding their shock and curiosity behind Mrs. Freemeyer's tea sipping.

Dean got too antsy to wait for Sam to speak again. "Ma'am, was there another girl? Maybe a little younger than Katie?"

"Why, yes, but how did you…?"

"We're just good at our jobs." It was supposed to be a joke. No one laughed.

"The younger girl was Nile. She was just one. Nobody spoke much of her, though."

Sam jumped in. "Why is that?"

Mrs. Freemeyer was swept with a gossiping girl's blush. "Behind their backs, we called her the Milkman's daughter. When Robert was away on his hunting trips with John Winchester –"

The boys' ears pricked. Sam thought he could approach it more gently than Dean. "You knew John Winchester?"

"Oh heavens, yes. This whole neighborhood knew him and his wife, Mary. Sweet gal. Lived just two street over at one point. Then they moved, had kids of their own. Two sweet boys, gotta be about your age now. They still stopped by for lunch every now and then. But after that house fire and Mary's death, I don't think poor John could take living here anymore. Took his two year old and the baby and moved away. Strange how things happen that way."

Sam cleared his throat, fighting back his own horrible memories of his father's grief and their loss of innocence. "You were saying about Nile?"

"Well, Carol tried to keep it a secret but we all knew who was coming over when Robert was gone. It was one of his old hunting buddies, Gordon. He was a Negro and Nile was definitely not all white milk if you know what I mean."

Sam and Dean held back grins at the woman's slight sarcasm. Suddenly, it hit Dean. Gordon. Not wanting to cause a scene, he used a cover up question. "How did Carol die?"

Sam shot him a glare and Mrs. Freemeyer an open shock. "How did you know Carol died?"

"O-obituary. We uncovered the obituary in public records."

Easily satisfied, Mrs. Freemeyer ran her finger around the cup of tea. "Murdered, execution-style like Katie. They accused Robert, but I would raise hell in that police station before I let them accuse that suffering man of murder."

_If only you knew why he had to, _thought Sam. "Did Bo- Robert and Nile stick around?"

Mrs. Freemeyer was dabbing at her eyes again. "Honestly, I was so naïve and skeptical back then, I thought Robert would give Nile to Gordon. Instead, he kept her under his wing. Gordon never came around for her. Eventually, though, Nile grew up into a broken little ten year-old and the scarlet letters caught up to her. Her real father, her sister and mother's murders, Robert's grief – there was more on that poor child than I think they could've ever put on Robert. So she ran away. Robert searched, months, years… he quit his job, lost the house. It all came crashing down. And this damned suburb – pardon my language – refused to crumble or crack. They blocked him out like he was never there."

"When was the last time you saw Nile?"

"October thirty-one, nineteen ninety two. Seventeen long years ago, on one of the darkest Halloween nights ever. That was the same night those teenagers were butchered at the town hall party. Robert feared Nile met the same fate."

"You know otherwise?"

Mrs. Freemeyer, still livid in her old age, clipped at Dean. "Young man, I don't fair to sarcasm too well. I told you the last time I saw her was that Halloween night, but that was near a whole week after she'd run away."

Dean sat sheepishly looking at the floor. Sam proceeded with caution. "We didn't mean any disrespect, ma'am. May I ask how you saw her?"

Smiling again, she replied, 'It was just right outside my window here. I'm sitting with my empty bowl of candy watching the evening news. Suddenly, I see her out the window, and even though it's dark, she has a flashlight. I can tell she's been crying. Before I can even move, she's waved a shaky hand at me and she disappeared. It wasn't a ghost, and I'm not crazy. I looked for Robert all around town but he was long gone." The memorable woman looked out her window at the distant memory she'd known was Nile Singer in the flesh. She let the tears flow freely, silently now. "I've held that memory for the last seventeen years, waiting for boys like you to come and take it and carry it, hopefully find her."

Dean and Sam sat silently, now carrying the weight of this woman's burdens on her shoulders, along with that of their fallen friend, Bobby. Dean was having nightmares while awake now, of that horrible moment when he had to drive the knife into Bobby's chest, then nearly fell on the knife himself had it not been for Sam. It was their burden, their responsibility to find Nile now. And their burden to tell her of her father's fate.

"Thank you for your time, Mrs. Freemeyer."

"I told you before, son, Mrs. Freemeyer was my mother."

"Of course. Harriet." Sam leaned over and accepted the gracious woman's kiss on his cheek. While Sam was halfway down the drive to the car, Harriet stopped Dean with a bony-fingered pull on his arm. Dean looked down at her, trying to hide the troubling in his eyes, though he knew he was transparent. Yes, ma'am?"

"You're a good boy. Whatever hell you've been through, just remember, there are others who've been through it too. Take it from someone who knows."

Dean half-smiled, almost cried, but sniffed instead and accepted a kiss on the cheek as well. "Thank you, Mrs. – Harriet."

"Now, go. And, son?"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"If you find Robert, tell him he's always got a place to rest his head here."

"I will." And Dean walked away, the harsh reality and his bitter lie on his tongue, knowing Bobby's fight was already over.

"Holy shit."

"What?"

"Dean, I got a hit on Nile. You'll never believe where."

"Where?"

"Lawrence."

"She's been right under our noses…"

Dean hesitantly knocked on the door and stared at his feet. Sam twiddled his thumbs. Dean noticed how on edge Sam had been about this whole thing. "Sam, do you wanna tell me something?"

Sam didn't beat around the bush. "Remember that girl in high school I dated when we came back here for a little bit?"

"Yeah…she was hot."

"It was Nile, Dean."

Before Dean had a chance to react, the door was swung open. The recipient was a medium sized coffee skinned woman about Sam's age with straight smooth black hair and a slim build. She had to tilt her head a little to make eye contact with Dean and Sam, especially Sam. "Yes?" she beckoned nonchalantly, but Sam could see the glint of recognition in her eyes.

"Nile…it's Sam."

"When he said her name and then refreshed her memory of him, Nile's mouth fell open slightly. "Sam Winchester?"

"Yeah. And this my brother –"

"Dean." Nile glanced at him and half-smiled before turning her attention back to Sam. "It's been what…ten years?"

"Yeah…Look, Nile, can we come in? There is something you should know."

Well, you can tell me out in the open."

"I'd really rather not."

"Sam, c'mon I've seen it all." She winked at him, made Dean smirk in mockery, and was showing she was still as stubborn and away from reality as possible.

"It's not funny, Nile. Something's happened."

"Aw, look honey, our 10 year reunion and we're already having our first big fight."

"Stop it ,OK? I'm trying to help you!"

"Yeah well don't! I stopped needing your help the day you left!" Nile went to slam the door but Sam put his foot and fist in the way.

"Nile, it's about your dad!"

Nile released the door with such speed Sam almost fell through it. "What? Gordon?"

"No. Well, yes, but no. Bobby."

Nile clasped her chain at her neck. Dean recognized it as the same one Bobby wore. "What happened?"

Sam, still infuriated with her stubbornness, didn't stop to think about how to tell her. "He's dead, Nile. Bobby and Gordon are dead."

Dean pulled Sam back from the door and shoved him into the jamb. "Nice going, Sam."

But neither was worried about the other as they turned their heads to find a weeping Nile, a distant memory of a heartbroken love for Sam when he'd skipped town with out so much as a goodbye. And all she could say was, "No. Not Bobby. Anyone but Bobby…"

Dean looked toward the door Sam had been staring at for the last hour. "Should we go see if she's OK?"

Sam shook his head, never breaking contact with the door. "Leave her be. I don't think she's interested in talking to either one of us, especially you."

Dean muffled through a mouthful of sandwich. "Hey. Don't shoot the messenger."

"That doesn't even make any sense." Dean shrugged and Sam shook off his brother's somewhat absent-mindedness. But he'd been wanting to go in there. For the last ten years he'd been wanting to. Now more than ever the opportunity presented itself and he was scared.

"Sam?" A desperately seeking call came from the room. Sam was immediately on his feet with his face nearly pressed into the wooden panels.

"Yeah?"

"Will you come in here?"

Sam paid no attention to Dean's satisfied smirk as he brushed his fingers of breadcrumbs and Sam slipped into the room, closing the door back up behind him.

The room was dark, except for the dim rays of moonlight hovering around the window and making a figure out on the bed. Sam leaned against the door and folded his arms, afraid of what to say, what to feel. "Are you OK?"

"No" came the weakly whisper from the frail and broken shell of what once was the strong and stubborn Nile.

Sam slid to the floor weighed down by guilt. He dare not move toward her, for the risk of shattering her like glass. "Nile, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to tell you like that. I didn't mean to get upset with you. I…I don't know how to tell you how bad I feel…"

"Forget it. It's over."

Sam rubbed his eyes. "I can't forget it. I never forgot. I never forgot you, or the guilt I felt of leaving you. There were just things that-"

"I know."

Sam was stunned. "How?"

"John. He told me about everything, even the truth about your mom and …you."

"Now you know why I really couldn't be with you."

"You really think I think you're a demon, Sam?" Nile's voice was a little stronger now.

"You should. Everyone else seems to."

"That is bullshit. Dean doesn't, your dad didn't, I sure as hell don't and neither does…Bobby."

Sam didn't hesitate getting off the floor this time to walk over and gather a fetal-positioned Nile in his arms, newly sobbing. "Damn it, Nile. I'm sorry. You're right. I never wanted to believe that. I wasn't going fishing for excuses to leave you. I hoped I could protect you from all of it. But I couldn't even protect my own family. Dean's been to hell."

Nile had quieted her crying to silent tears as she gasped. "Oh no…Sam, is he-?"

"No. And he never will be. The angels, they tricked him. Alistair wanted him back, but Dean wouldn't follow any of them. Except Cass."

"Who?"

"I'll tell you later. Point is, I started the apocalypse and I've gotta finish it. I just want you to save me a seat when the world goes down."

"I won't let it go down without you by my side."

Sam smiled, then somewhat roughly laid Nile back into a laying position half-covered by the quilt. "Get some sleep."

When he moved toward the door, Nile sat up in bed and put her feet on the floor. "Where are you going?"

"I need some air. You need rest."

"The hell I do. I need you here."

Sam, while shocked and somewhat relieved at her response, fought the urge to have another lover just to watch her eventually fall. Jess, Meg, Ava, Madison, Ruby – all met their untimely fates (minus Ruby) on his watch. He wouldn't do it again. "It was ten years ago, Nile. Let it go."

Nile was on her feet now, tugging Sam's shirt to turn him to face her. "What are you doing?"

"What do you want me to do?!" Sam threw his hands up in frustration.

"Stay…" Nile was near crying again but fought it.

That simple word set off a fire, a fuse waiting to be lit all this time. Sam tipped his head down as his hands cupped her hips. Their lips just melded together. Sam nipped at her top lip as Nile's delicate tongue let itself be dominated by Sam's. As their mouths continued to dance, Sam hoisted Nile's entire torso on the support of his hips and walked with her clinging to him over to the bed.

She was already whimpering his name in soft strokes when they fell onto the bed together, Sam's heavier body weight rushing over her. As he rolled her on her side, Sam stretched behind her and pulled her to him in a quick second. It only took a second more for his lips to latch to her neck and do things only he could do to her. They didn't even hear the kitchen light click off or Dean yell goodnight as their fast pace steadied into a slow rhythm that nearly spent them the whole moon."

Sam's eyes slowly rolled open and surprisingly no sunlight burned his pupils. He quickly discovered why. It was raining. He started to stretch out when he noticed a soft palm making short glides up and down his chest. Nile was already awake. He looked over at her, her deep blue sea eyes falling into his brown ones. He smiled and kissed the top of her forehead as he squeezed her against him, then relaxed again, his arm still cradling around and down her back. "Morning."

"Hi."

"Dean up yet?"

"I think I heard him pouring some cereal, no doubt my Cocoa Puffs he discovered."

"Bastard. I'll go kick him around." Sam went to get up but laughed as Nile pulled him back against her, sitting up now, his head resting in the crook of her neck.

"He'll have to wait on the ass-kicking. We're busy."

Before Sam could inquire, Nile had her lips over his again, this time each kiss was a soft peck and then a long drawing out of their lips against each other. But before Nile's hand found its destination past Sam's belly button, there was a rap at the door.

Sam reluctantly let go of Nile's lips and rolled his eyes. "What?"

Dean's voice was anything but light. "Sam, it's Ellen. We've got to go now."

Sam was now torn between his surrogate mother in need and his new found love he never wanted to let go of. It was Nile's sighing permission that made up his mind.

"Go."

Sam looked up at her. "I don't want to…"

"You have to. Ellen's in trouble. She can't fight them by herself, not at her age."

"I can't leave you again."

"You're not. I'll be right here when you're done."

Sam knew he had to go. He left a lingering kiss in parting and quickly threw on his clothes, not taking his eyes off her until she was gone in the dust standing alone in the driveway in her jeans and t-shirt.

Just a few hours away. They'd made it back to Kansas after a whole week of fighting off the demons that had tried to kill Ellen and Jo. Well, not the whole week was spent killing. Dean and Jo had managed to sneak away for a night in her room. Ellen highly disapproved but didn't fuss into Jo's matters of heart when it came to Dean. Now all Sam could think about was getting back to Nile. _His _girl.

"Sam…"

"Yeah?" Sam didn't pay much attention to the ghostly look on Dean's face as he was reading the paper. Maybe another fallen hunter friend. Sad to see, but it was the way this job went. Now at least Sam had a reason to fight for what was important.

Dean folded the paper to the front page and pushed his coffee aside as he handed the paper to Sam. He didn't feel like anything in his stomach now.

In bold black headline ink, were the words that might've well as killed Sam Winchester with its black, darkness-laden message.

**YOUNG WOMAN FOUND MUTILATED, DEAD OUTSIDE LAWRENCE.**

And in the middle of the article, surrounded by words Sam didn't want to read, was Nile's picture, given to the paper by Lawrence High School.

"No…" was all Sam could whisper out. For the whispers filled his head. Her voice. _I won't let it go down without you by my side._

_Save me a seat now that your world is over, baby._


End file.
